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Five feet tall, yet looking down at people. Gazing around the temple, while the hot spotlight centers my face. Standing on top of the stage makes the sound of my heart pound through my chest, transferring the sound to the audience, making my head spin in different directions.
Performing at Life Church demonstrates a big part of my identity as a Christian child. Since the day I left my mother's womb, I have always had a firm belief in Jesus. And, liturgical dancing shows who I am. Without it, with my heart and soul, in fact, my life story, would be incomplete.
Dancing is more than just moving rhythmically to entertain others. It's my way of expressing who I am inside. Not hiding from my fears that are usually all hidden deep inside me, and instead showing the world I'm made of more than just skin. Keeping my facade brave, not allowing any more fears to enter.
Before every dance I brush my hair, untangling the knots. I pick a tight black hair elastic to hold my layered hair. Slipping into my size 6 ½ black ballet slippers, tying the small, thin laces to ensure my foot is nice and snug, and lastly putting on my dress makes this moment so real that any moment my mind will stop thinking and my heart will start to pour out. Feeling that moment is right around the corner.
And then, it is.
Every time I'm up there, I close my eyes and think to myself, "This performance is for him, not for them. I'm going to do my best.” Grasping the air into my lungs to decrease my blood pressure. Getting myself mentally ready for my performance. Getting the blood flowing through my veins, forming a tingling sensation in my limbs. I see all their eyes upon me.
Dancing allows the music to touch the creative, artistic nerves in my body, moving my heart, my arms, and my legs to reflect the way I feel. Getting loose up on the stage helps the audience see and feel the vibes that are constructed for each and every dance move. Seeing a story. The story of my life.
Once the last beat hits, it's when my heart beat restores. My heartbeat gets faster and faster to the sound of the audience’s hands clapping together.
I look back and see myself doing what I love. I look back and I re-feel how I felt on stage. I felt heavy-weights coming off my back. I felt my faith in God getting stronger. I am a changed person after every dance. My worries are non-existence, evaporated from thin air. The excitement that comes is worth it.
There are times that dancing is very difficult and a brick wall comes my way, telling me to quit. But the passion that I have for dancing gives me the force to push the wall down, push through the practices and the unforgettable butterflies in my stomach.
I had some rough times in my life, but I know that dancing is my escape route. I can always count on it to take away all the stress that my body holds within. Dancing is a way to express who I always have been and who I am today.
Carynne Valle, 2018
THE DANCING HEART
80.