A Way Out Addiction Treatment Center Newsletter #3 03/2013 | Page 9

She then not only reacts to those incidents but dreads the possibility of a situation where another mistake is made
and such self-loathing reoccurs. Reacting to this fear, she may then:
a) isolate or refrain from new activities to avoid looking foolish or inept,
b) stay quiet and not share ideas or perceptions for fear of saying something "wrong,"
c) not initiate with others for fear of rejection, and
d) not look for a better job because of feelings of inadequacy, or
e) remain in a destructive relationship because of feeling too inadequate to be alone.
"Self Esteem Attacks" occur whenever a person with low self-esteem does or says something that
afterwards deems to have been inappropriate, stupid, rude, obnoxious, off target, or inaccurate.
At that time, the person may experience immediate remorse, excruciating anxiety, his heart racing, his
face turning red, a sinking feeling of embarrassment, depression and/or devastation.
Wishing he could sink into the floor or disappear, he may immediately look for a way to escape. He may
feign illness, sneak out without saying anything, or just become totally silent, hoping not to be noticed. He
will believe that everyone saw his blunder and is thinking poorly of him, maybe even laughing at him.
This is a full blown Self-Esteem Attack that may last for minutes, hours, even days during which he
berates himself, is fearful of seeing anyone who was in attendance at the time he made his "mistake,"
and remain seriously depressed.
All people who suffer from low self-esteem have these attacks though they vary in degree of severity and
in length depending upon how serious the person judges his gaffe, how highly he values the opinions of
those in attendance, and what he surmises the repercussions will be. As people go through recovery,
these attacks gradually become less frequent, less severe in their intensity, and shorter in duration.
Shutdown Emotionally
It is not unusual for those who have low self-esteem and who have been abused, abandoned, or literally
to have been treated as being in the way, to be unable to recognize what they feel.
Having suffered from many emotionally charged and hurtful situations, they automatically feel a need to
shield themselves from more such experiences.
Having practiced denying their feelings or even acknowledging them, they now find themselves unable to
know what they feel.
Having been hurt repeatedly, whether verbally, emotionally, or physically, they may also lower their
expectations of others and of life in general.
They may be available but never initiate with others; they may feel they have little or nothing to offer and
above all, are unable to risk rejection