you must stop this man’ s bleeding. But where shall I find him another leg?”
I hesitated, and, struggling, suggested,“ Why not the leg of a chair? It is very sturdy and often stood upon.”
“ Most indeededly so! Nurse, we must discover a way to fasten this wooden leg to this fleshy body the moment the leg has healed!” The Doctor started laughing, hysterically. I slowly stepped backwards to check on Percy. I took his hand, which was strapped to the table, and he said,“ I thought we were going to a ball?”
I replied gently,“ Things are getting a little hysterical.”
“ Do you think I have hysteria?” the Doctor exclaimed, almost immediately invading my personal space, as if we had been in an intimate conversation.“ What shall we do? My father will surely send me away to the asylum.”
“ Uh … what are some of your symptoms?” I asked, cautiously.
“ I feel nervous,” the Doctor replied.“ My mind gets confused. Sometimes I feel sexual urges. I killed a cat. I have a complete loss over my ability to speak. My womb wanders.”
“ You don’ t have a womb,” I corrected him, with a slight air of indignance.
“ I know,” he replied gravely.“ I don’ t anymore; that’ s how far it has wandered.”
“ Eye ache? Back Strain?” I asked, attempting to stall long enough to figure out what to do next.
“ Yes!” he agreed.“ Numbness of the extremities! My sister lives in Baltimore. I have a sudden weakness of willpower.”“ Cramps?” I continued.“ Yes! Difficulty swallowing! I have a continual and insatiable craving for sympathy and love.”“ Most definitely.”“ Clenched teeth! Vapors!”“ And wouldn’ t you know it, I’ m cured! And so is my friend!” I shouted, trying to wrap the conversation up on a positive note.
The Doctor started clapping, gleefully, and I smiled most graciously and began to untie Percy from the table.
“ And so,” I said to the Doctor,“ as you have so many other patients to cure and help with their problems, we couldn’ t possibly take up another moment of your time.”
I propped Percy up against my shoulder and we backed out of the room, which was opened for us. I tried to invoke my most gracious humility upon leaving, as to not raise suspicion. Luckily, we made it out unscathed.
Sunday, June the Twentieth
I have taken Percy to a hotel and tended to his fever myself. It has been a few days since our ordeal. I immediately telegraphed the inspector to inform him of the Asylum ' s takeover, and I demanded they send several burly police constables. After some time, I received a message from that same man. It claimed therein that there was nothing at all unusual about the Asylum. In fact, the inspector claimed it looked to be the most well-run medical establishment he had ever seen and quite an improvement from the last time he had visited. In one room, they were studying and making advances in germ theory, in another they were creating the most realistic prosthetics to help a disabled man walk, and finally, the mental health program where each inmate discussed his issues with a counselor seemed to be increasing the general welfare of the populace. In fact, it seems the Insane Asylum had been driven sane! The telegram ended with a stern warning against false accusations.
Percy sleeps mostly. He appears to remember nothing of the other night, but once spoke in a brief moment of wakefulness to say something like,“ I’ m so glad you are here with me. The worst thing in the world is to be sick and to be alone.”
I find it is very gratifying to be appreciated.