A Steampunk Guide to Hunting Monsters 19 | Page 10

postpone the wedding, but he said we had one
chance to capture this vampire, and we needs
must take it. He said, and I'm sure he thought it
was grandly noble and not at all silly, "I would risk
a thousand deaths to make you my wife!"
S UNDAY , D ECEMBER THE T WELFTH
Now our monster hunting tour friends have
arrived. We have told them about our situation and
they have stationed themselves most ably around
the house. Missus Mister and Sir Hammerhorn
are armed to the teeth. Brunhilde Bamfi eld has
distributed a vast array of charms and vials of holy
water to the guests under the guise of party favors.
M ONDAY , D ECEMBER THE T HIRTEENTH
Th e wedding is over. As I sit here and recount
the events of the day, I make it no secret that I
survived, but at what cost?
Everything was going swimmingly. Th e guests
were all assembled, and all protected from vampire
villainy by our valiant eff orts to literally bless every
bottle of wine during the course of their weeklong
party. A vampire dare not drink such intoxicated
and holy blood at any rate.
Th e sky was dark, ominous and cloudy, then.
Good English Weather, if not good wedding
weather.
My dress was all I had ever dreamed! 25 yards
of ivory silk fl owed from my train, and the sheer
volume of fabric required for each sleeve was a
brilliant sight to behold! Th e decorated Swiss waist
featured a ruched panel of fabric which made for a
pretty eff ect, I think. Oh, I forgot to mention: the
lace panel on front is the sole remaining remnant
from my own mother's wedding gown! Since
the gown is lined in blue silk, this gives the dress
"something old,” "something new,” and "something
blue.” I borrowed the wooden stake buried in my
bouquet from Brunhilde Bamfi eld, and with a
sixpence in my shoe, I was ready for the wedding!
I spent several pleasant moments walking the
crowded central aisle of the chapel; each guest was
liberally strewn with colorful and unusual knick-
knacks, and was smiling gaily at me, and the
whole place was scented with rosewater and garlic.
One's senses were quite overwhelmed! Th ere was
no vampire in sight! Mrs. Bamfi eld held a crucifi x
fi rmly in hand and encouraged me down the aisle.
Th ere stood my husband. We eased down
together onto one of the plush velvet benches, and
I was overcome by the wonder of marrying the man
I loved. Our love was so deep in that moment that
it seemed a tangible presence around us, and the
look on his face—oh, how can I describe the look
on his face? I felt I was an entirely new person, seen
for the fi rst time. It was an invigorating sensation.
Th e priest asked if any among the group
assembled objected to our wedding.
And apparently Lord Ruthven Gowrie did!
"I object," the vampire said.
He was clad in the black of shadows, light vying
to escape—sparkling as it were, and as no vampire
ought—and he strode down the aisle. Dear
Aunt—who had apparently been quite shocked at
the man's appearance, for she was transported by
the sway of love—began to clutch at her reticule,
calling for her smelling salts. Percy, however, did
not leap to her aid as would have been his normal
behavior. Instead, he took up my bouquet, passing
it to me, and laid his hand on his sword.
"Never," the vampire said, "has so high a house,
a rank second only to the King, deigned to marry
a child so low. With no parents to call her own,
she dashes about from one place to another, with
no family worth mentioning."
I do believe Uncle tried to object to this, but
became afraid when the Lord rotated his head
slightly in that direction.
"No family name, no value, no worth. Can I, a
Lord of the Realm and Earl, maintain any peace
of mind knowing that any number of progeny may