50 Years of Umko 1966 - 2016 1966 - 2016 | Page 77

C HA P T E R

S E V E N

On the Water
“Life’s not so bad”

Charles Mason, kicking back with a cold beer.

To paraphrase Oom Schalk Lourens and his tale about leopards:
Rapids? – Oom Schalk Lourens said – Oh yes, there are two varieties of rapids in
the Umko. The chief difference between them is that one kind of rapid has a few
more rocks in it than the other kind. But when you meet a rapid on the Umko,
unexpectedly, you seldom trouble to count its rocks to find out what kind it belongs
to. That is unnecessary. Because whatever rapid it is that you come across in this
way, you only do one kind of swimming. And that is the fastest kind.

S

o starts another chapter in which being on the water can end
up on the bank and vice versa.

The ever-colourful Arthur Toekoe Egerton’s description of
his first paddle on the Umkomaas back in the early 70s was
the start of an oft-repeated rural legend, usually told by
a (recent) veteran describing a novice. Toekoe himself was one of KCC’s
urban legends, a paddler from way back. When he bought his first Sabre he
painted “Excalibur” on the nose (King Arthur’s sabre, geddit?).
The original Toekoe tale from the 70s goes like this:
“We set off from Hella Hella and came to No.1 and I fell out! Then we got to
No.2 and I fell out. The same happened at No’s. 3 and 4! Then we came to
this huge rapid! This must be the famous No.5&6?
There were some people on the bank and I shouted across to them – “Is this
5&6?”
“No, you have just reached No.1!”

“My first attempt at anything other than the Umsinduzi/Umgeni (apart
from youthful Sunday afternoon forays in hired canoes on various South
Coast estuaries in search of forbidden fruit - of the agricultural variety) was
a bash at the Kingfisher Canoe Club White Water Championships held on
the Hella Hella to Number Eight stretch of the Umkomaas one Sunday in
February 1963.
In true canoeing style we arrived late at the start (but nevertheless still
before the officials) to see a handful of hardy souls anxiously pacing the
bridge and others heading purposefully for the nearest bush, toilet paper
in hand. After a short while the club heavies (the organisers) arrived and
they were immediately set upon by an irate papa Chalupsky (Paul’s father)
who proceeded to rant and rave in his broken English/German vernacular
which very few understood, but which left the listeners in no doubt that he
was somewhat upset at the start being delayed. Thereupon Paul and his
other Dragon Canoe Club members - about six in all - decided they would
not be entering the race, and paddled off ‘unofficially’.

Reflections

“You’ll find the Umkomaas a little different” - unknown heavy to a young
Charles Mason
Charles writes: “To the unitiated the sport of canoeing begins and ends
with the famous, or shall we say infamous, Duzi. A large proportion of
canoeists (for want of a better word) never graduate to much more than a
few Duzi qualifiers and an annual slog down the fly-infested Umsinduzi and
Umgeni Valleys. Most years temperatures during the race approach those
at which most sane humans would seek shelter in some shady spot with
an adequate supply of their favourite beverage close at hand. Fortunately,
many paddlers do progress to experience the exhilaration and delight of
paddling the many other rivers available to us.

77

Wildlife: Dragons in the foreground, Kingfishers behind. Tension at Hella Hella

UMKO 50 Years