50 Years of Umko 1966 - 2016 1966 - 2016 | Page 27

C HA P T E R

T H R E E

The First 50 Years

“You know, anyone doing the ‘Berg’ more than once is certifiable.”
- ‘Mr Umko’ Charles Mason, 49-time Umko paddler, 48-time finisher, 1-time winner.

A

The Culture

s whitewater cartoonist William J Nealy1 said, “Whitewater
boating has been around since before the invention of the
wheel and the cocktail party. But out of necessity. Once good
roads came along, primitive mankind gleefully abandoned
their river craft and bought cars.” Then along came the
post-WW2 nutters and suddenly people (OK, a few) were
voluntarily bumbling down big rivers and (according to onlookers) risking
their lives. And as the need for adrenalin grew, so did the wildwater exploits
of this breed of adventure seeker. The most out-there of the formalised
river runs in South Africa became known as The Umko, where members
of what future anthropologists may label a “quasi-religious tribe with its
own rituals, high priests, strange behaviour and occasional human sacrifice”
can be found. On first meeting another paddler t heir ritualised greeting in
Customary Paddling Language is “HaveYouDoneTheUmko?” Their Mecca
is Hella Hella.

The Route

The scouting of the river and the first multi-day race recorded in the opening
chapters were done by rugged pioneers and we now move on to the people
who have kept the race going ever since. That’s especially the organisers and
what Allie Peter calls the “back-room boys and girls” and Charles calls “the
heavies”. But there’s also You Ous, the paddlers who have done the race
ever since. Now no-one is saying you aren’t rugged . . . but:
The first three races were from Josephine’s to the sea. The fourth to the
seventh were the Long Four from Hella Hella to the sea. Those first seven
races were three-day events. From 1974 the Umko has been a two-day race and that has been constant now (though rumours of one unconfirmed 3-day
race in more recent years persist) - the 50th Umko in 2016 will be the 43rd
consecutive 2-day Umko.
The first five races were held in December. The 6th race (the 1971/72 summer
race) was moved to later in the summer to catch more
dependable seasonal higher water levels. And boy, did they
catch that in ‘72! That decision has also remained constant
and the 50th will be the 45th consecutive late-summer event.
That leaves the longest and most faithfully kept of all the
traditions of the Umko: The tradition of fun, well-lubricated
overnight stops (broken only once in 1992) - a fitting and wellloved tradition enthusiastically subscribed to by paddlers,
officials and the liquor sponsors who have supported the
race over the years! Thank you Hansa Pilsener, Kahlua
Liqueur and (unknowingly, and without paying) Old Buck
Gin. When access to the overnight was difficult and few
vehicles could get through, serious discussion would ensue
as to how much food could be taken without compromising
the booze supply! The 50th race in 2016 will thus host the
49th raucous Umko party. Early sleepers will grumble about
the noise in the traditional way (although thoughts of the
looming Hella Hella stretch on the second morning mean
fewer paddlers “Go Big” at the overnight stop these days!).

No. 1 ©Jon Ivins

27

The biggest variable, on the other hand, has been the overall
race distance, varying as it has from the initial 113km up to
a longest of 145km down to the present distance of 68km.
The finish line and the overnight campsites have also

UMKO 50 Years