365ink #396 November 24–December 8, 2021 - Page 38

COLUMNISTS w Gwen Danzig ’ s

Good Advice w

DEAR GWEN , my freshman year of high school , I went to homecoming with a guy named Jason . I met him on the first day of orientation and he was really one of the only friends I had made that early in my high school career . We had a good time , but after the dance , we sort of drifted into different friend groups and never really talked again .
recently , I started a new job and that kid , Jason , works with me every day . When I said , “ Hi ,” on my first day he looked up and gave me a nod , but he ’ s given no indication that he knows who I am in the slightest . It ’ s not like I look much different than I did in high school and my name hasn ’ t changed , he just seems completely oblivious that we hung out after school for a couple months and went to a dance together . It ’ s been a few weeks and I feel like it ’ s been too long to be like , “ Hey , remember me ?” but it ’ s really uncomfortable for me to interact with him as though I have no idea who he is . It ’ s got me thinking maybe he had an awful time at that dance with me and the silence after homecoming was intentional .
How do I address the elephant in the room , if there is an elephant in the room ? If he doesn ’ t remember me , how do I deal with being so forgettable ? — Yours , Hempstead Homecoming Harlequin
DEAR HEMPSTEAD HOMECOMING HARLEQUIN , There may be an elephant in the room for you , but it may just be your personal elephant of self-doubt , bud . Wow , oh man , that was so insightful . This should really be the end of this advice , I gave you some priceless spiritual mumbo jumbo just now . I did my part here . I really could write a guide to spirituality with all this woo woo I have floating around in my head all day . maybe they ’ d eventually give me a Tv show and I could be the spiritual guide for the stars . That sounds lame , potentially , but also maybe I ’ d get famous enough to become best friends with Wendy Williams . Goals , we should all have goals , even your advice columnist .
A thought , though , if you aren ’ t quite as deep as you probably should be 10 years out from high school : maybe just walk up to the guy and say , “ remember the time my mom , under duress and completely against her will , spent $ 25 on a boutonniere for you in 2007 ?” That right there is a great opening . Honestly , maybe on top of my spirituality guide , I should write a book on relationships . ooh ! or social etiquette . It ’ ll be like manners for dummies , but written by a dummy who has transcended into wild and delusional levels of self-acceptance , so really anything goes . The point of my book will be that you can truly say whatever you want to anyone in any context and most of the time nothing happens . For real , if you wanted to , you could walk up to your mailman and tell him about that time Dave matthews band parked their tour bus on a bridge and dumped 800 pounds of human sewage onto a tourist river cruise . You really could just do that and nothing would happen , he would probably be like , “ oh wow , what a deep cut , you ’ re so knowledgeable about Dave matthews band and also maybe sewage disasters .”
The elephant in the room is inside of you . oh my god , hang on , I have to write that down . — xoxo Gwen
GWEN BEATTY GWeN beATTY Is A sororITY DroPouT AND crYbAbY , reADY AND WILLING To boss You ArouND . IF You WANT To TeLL Her sHe ’ s PreTTY , emAIL GWEN @ DUBUQUE365 . COM .
38 365INK MAGAZINE November 24 – December 8 , 2021 Issue # 396 DUBUQUE365 . COM