He finds it , a small notebook with a green cover . Flicks through it , then snaps it closed .
Stands triumphant . ‘ I know .’ I sit on the edge of the bed . Empty , cold , as though he ’ s already gone . ‘ You will do wonderfully ,’ I say . ‘ You are so smart .’ He turns to look at me , frowning a little . ‘ I know that , too .’ His eyes . Those eyes . I try not to look at them too long . The older he gets , the harder it is to maintain eye contact . Is it the tone he uses which makes me think of his father ? Is it the arrogance , the ‘ I know ’? No , he is not arrogant . He is not his father . He comes to sit at my side . Places a hand over mine , which rest folded on my lap . He sees my discomfort , but does not understand . He will never understand . ‘ Will you come back ?’ I ask . ‘ Of course ,’ he says . ‘ I promise .’ I do not say anything , because no matter what I say , he will insist . His insistence makes me think that maybe he will not come back .
Does he understand ? Does he know who his father is , what his father is ? Does he understand my discomfort , something I assume he is too young to understand ? If he does , why does he do nothing ? ‘ I ’ ll miss you .’ I place a hand on his cheek . My little boy . He is not little anymore . He is almost my height . He smiles at me . It is a sad smile , telling me he will miss me , too . I am not sure I believe him . ‘ I love you ,’ I say . He closes his eyes .
Access : LongTermMemory _ dataStream ( 03:56,23.11.2131 )
The device pings . I have a communication device but no one to communicate with . My boy does not need me anymore ; he is fully grown and gone . He visits sometimes , but not often . I do not know who is summoning me with the ping . I know who is summoning me with the ping .
Black Hole Memories 36