There are holes in my LongTermMemory , moments snipped from the dataStream and stored safely away in external storage . Marked with firewalls and flags to indicate that they are not to be revisited . But the holes they leave in the dataStream are still tagged with emotions , labels that remain :
< anger >< love >< fear >< hate >
I had thought by snipping them free I would become unburdened . I have not . The labels remind me of what happened , in a vague , dream-like way , as though looking through frosted glass . I do not remember what happened . I just remember the feelings .
Access : LongTermMemory _ dataStream ( 17:13 , 23.07.2107 )
His bare feet in a stream . I watch to make sure he does not get too cold . The sun is hot on his back . I watch to make sure he does not burn .
He turns , smiles , waves . I lift a hand and wave back . He sees a fish , distracted by the shimmering sight , and gasps . Points . Turns back to show me . I nod but do not approach to see it , keeping my feet safely on the shore .
The town behind my back is busy with end of the day calls from the market sellers . There are crickets in the long grass nearby . A dog cools himself downstream , lying in the water and panting .
He is at my side , so tall now , up to my elbow . I place a hand on his head . His hair is hot from the sun . Still smiling , always so happy . He enjoys the summer . He holds up a small shell for me to inspect . I do so , taking it from him with my spare hand as my other strokes his hair . Fine as silk . The shell is orange and sharp across the spines . I debate whether I should withhold it , in case he hurts himself , but I decide to give it back . ‘ Are you ready to go ?’ I ask . He shakes his head . ‘ No ,’ he whines . ‘ Five more minutes ?’ ‘ Okay , just five more . See if you can find another shell .’ He nods , giving me back the first one . ‘ That ’ s for you anyway .’ ‘ Thank you .’ The shell digs into my palm . The sun is hot on my back .
Black Hole Memories 34