Can I cope knowing that I am dooming myself or you or both of us ? My lips are dry and cracked from the thirst of you . I ’ m sorry . I ’ m so sorry . Forgive me , my love . I can ’ t say I love you . I can ’ t say I see you . I can ’ t even say I like you . I envy those who can shout in the streets : Let me love you ! Let me fuck you ! Let me hate you ! I ’ m a cursed creature who must watch real people love and fuck in bleached daylight . Why am I different ? Why are my words ugly ? Why is our existence hazardous ? Why must such sweet words decay and collapse behind crumbling teeth ? I ’ ll wait until the day has died and the night has been revived . Let my dirty words wash in the moonlight as I whisper my sins inside narrow corridors and shadows cast by lopsided doorways . I ’ ll say these words and swallow you whole . Let my words violently infect you . Let the monsters eat each other and wet dry , powdery bones . I ’ ll open wide as your tainted meat , clotted blood and corroded soul slips down my throat . God help me-