My Body is a Prison
Liam Rodriguez — Grade 6
What used to comfort and warm me now holds me back . It ’ s grip is tight , its not letting go anytime soon . I want it to let go . I need it to let go . I want to be free from its grasp . Every time I look at myself its there . It used to be something so dear to me . It use to make me feel confident , even proud . Now it makes me feel trapped in my own skin . Like an I ’ m intruder in a place that ’ s supposed to feel like my home . No matter what , I know its there . I can ’ t escape from it anytime soon .
How am I supposed to be happy when I ’ m constantly reminded of what I look like . When I know nobody sees me as who I truly am . I can ’ t even recognize myself . The person I see in the mirror isn ’ t me . At least , I don ’ t want it to be . No matter what I do she ’ s there . Not him . I look in the mirror just to be disappointed . Yet I can ’ t stop looking into the mirror .
I ’ ve always had this image of me . It ’ s changed throughout the years . But it always somewhat resembled me . The image I have in mind isn ’ t me . It can ’ t be me . I ’ ve tried , and tried to convince myself that the boy I see when I think of myself is me . But I know that I ’ m lying . I know that I look nothing like him .
As he grins . As he taunts me . He ’ s supposed to be me . Yet I see him as a stranger who continues to tease me . I know I can ’ t be him . And it hurts to know that . To know that no matter what I do , I can ’ t be him .
It doesn ’ t matter how many times I cry , how many times I scream , or how many times I look in the mirror . It ’ s not going to change .
The boy seems so close . As he grins , as he waves to me . I can ’ t reach him , I can ’ t get any closer to him either . He just stares , with that stupid , smug , grin on his face .
I ’ m jealous . He ’ s living his best life . He ’ s content . He ’ s happy with himself . He reached his goal . The one goal I can ’ t reach . Why does he get to reach it . Why not me . I don ’ t want to wait several years to reach that goal . I want to reach it now .
I know that ’ s selfish . But I just want to smile like him . I want to wave without a care in the world . I want to look back at how far I ’ ve gone . I want to look back , to when I struggled so much . I want to laugh at those times . To see my younger self , and reflect on how I ’ ve grown .
But I ’ m stuck with me looking forward to the future . I ’ m stuck with how I look now . I ’ m stuck with this dumb body . I ’ m stuck with the way I feel about my body . I ’ m stuck with me .
I don ’ t want to believe this is me . I ’ m ready to wake up . I ’ m ready to feel the warm sun shine on my face as I realize it was all dream . I ’ m ready to look into the mirror and sigh with relief . I ’ m ready to see the grinning boy in the mirror . I ’ m ready to see him smile and wave . I ’ m ready to finally be me , to finally feel like me .