Christmas Presence
Miranda Fort
Christmas Presence
Miranda Fort
Christmas is just around the corner and I can already tell my house will not match my Pinterest holiday house. At this point, I would be surprised if there are any decorations other than a tree. The cute handmade crafts, the garland neatly hanging in every room, the perfectly draped outdoor lighting all takes a lot of energy; energy I don't have.
Growing up, my home was transformed into a magical wonderland. We had four Christmas trees, each with their own theme. Garland with soft white lights made every room sparkle. My mom would bake the most delicious cookies and sing Christmas carols while I sipped hot cocoa at the kitchen table. People would come to see what my mom had done to the house for inspiration. This is what I pictured doing with my kids- well, without the strangers in my space.
Years ago, before my chronic illness caught up with me, I had all the energy in the world. There was no price to pay for physical activity. Holidays would take weeks to set up; candles would be frosted, mini trees adorned the garden window, afternoons were spent in the kitchen attempting to make all sorts of Holiday goodies. I was well on my way to making those magical memories for my children.
Chronic illness has robbed me of my energy. Things that used to be effortless, like stringing lights on a tree, will render me useless on the couch for the remainder of the night. If the fatigue that accompanies physical activities doesn't get to me, the pain does. Pain so intense I have been offered prescriptions for Vicodin, Percocet, and medical marijuana. Simply setting up a tree takes days, caffeine, and a steady supply of Motrin and Lidocain patches.
This year things will be different. The magic will have to from some other place. It will need to come from the heart- which let's face it, that is where the magic of the season should come from. My wise husband (shh, don't tell him I said that) told me that the kids would rather I be feeling well enough to be present rather than having twinkling green plastic shrubs all over the house. Those may not have been his exact words, but that was the sentiment.
We will have a tree and some questionably edible cookies. We may or may not have garland, or outdoor lights, or fancy candles. The house will not be on any house tour and certainly will not be an inspiration to others. But there will be magic, because for the first time in years, my whole family will be home for Christmas and I will be present, not sleeping on the couch.