MOM
TO MOM
Mom Support
HARDWORKING MOMS DON’T WANT YOUR PITY
• It sounds like you are handling a lot.
• Your kids are lucky to have you.
• You are definitely giving this a lot
of thought.
• You care a lot about doing what’s
right for your kids.
Never say: “You should just” do
this or “you shouldn’t worry” about
that, she says.
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HOLIDAY 2018 | (201) FAMILY
MOM GUILT
Moms are pulled in many directions,
often feeling like they’re not doing any-
thing well, Pew Research Center reported
in 2015. In a survey, it found that many
full-time working moms say:
• They spend too little time with their
children (4 in 10)
• They spend too little time with their
partners (44 percent)
• It’s harder to advance at work (4 in 10)
• They always or sometimes feel rushed
(86 percent)
• They don’t have time away from kids to
see friends or pursue hobbies (6 in 10)
In households with two full-time
working parents, though the majority
say tasks related to the kids are shared
equally, when it’s not equal it’s still more
likely for mom to bear the brunt. For
instance, 31 percent say the mother does
more in handling chores, while only nine
percent say the father does more; 47
percent say mom takes care of the kids
when they’re sick versus just 6 percent
for dads.
“Our jobs are generally not recog-
nized,” says Anna Berry, mom and
corporate relations manager with MOPS
International, a faith-based organization
facilitating support groups for mothers.
“In mom’s head, she knows everything
that’s not getting done. What she needs
from other people…is to point out the
things that she is doing well.”
Many single moms face even greater
challenges, as a third of them are
living in poverty, the U.S. Census
Bureau reported in 2017.
More often than not, these “sheroes”
are fielding judgment (even from other
moms) and battling the worst critic
of all — themselves.
It’s important to understand every
mom is different, and every situation is
different, Kennedy-Moore says. If you
are unsure of how to support a mom,
simply ask her: What can I do to help?
Chances are, she doesn’t hear that
much. ●
I
hear “I’m sorry” a lot. It usually
pops up after I’ve mentioned my
seemingly never-ending to-do list,
sleepless nights, or generally feel-
ing defeated when parenting isn’t
going according to my plan
(ha, my plan).
It’s meant to be sympathetic:
“I’m sorry you’re struggling with that”
or “I’m sorry, that sucks.” But I leave
those conversations feeling worse.
Yet, I’ve said “sorry” to other moms,
too.
What’s with all the apologizing?
“‘I’m sorry’ definitely communi-
cates pity that their circumstances
are bad and regrettable, but that’s
certainly not how most moms think of
having children,” says Eileen Kenne-
dy-Moore, author of Raising Emotion-
ally and Socially Healthy Kids.
She’s right. I don’t regret having
a baby. I love my son. I love him so
much I didn’t even realize love like
this was possible. Keeping him safe
and healthy and happy is a lot of
work. I don’t regret doing it, it’s just
really hard.
What should we be saying instead?
Kennedy-Moore, a psychologist in
Princeton, suggests phrases such as:
WRITTEN BY ASHLEY MAY