The Spotlight
www.20somethingsudbury.ca
mr. december
santa claus
20SS: How do you become Santa Clause? Was it by choice or were you born
with that beard?
SC: It was a really trippy experience man. Really didn’t see it coming but I guess that’s the universe for you.
It was Christmas of 67 and me and my roommate Rudy were in the chem lab at Laurentian brewing up a
pretty tasty tea to celebrate yet another year. We headed out on snowshoes and found this cave. Inside
there was a snowman standing in front of this swirling blue portal. He looks at me and Rudy and shoves us
in. Next thing I know, I am 100 pounds heavier, Rudy is now a fu$%ing talking reindeer and we are made
out of clay. Everything in the North Pole is claymation. Long story short, these little jingling dudes came out
of this massive gingerbread house and gave me the red suit and they slapped a red nose on Rudy. The rest
as they say is history.
20SS: How did you name the reindeer?
SC: It actually happened the first night we were at the North Pole. Naturally we were both freaking out
about the situation but Rudy totally lost it. He ran out into the woods screaming “I am a man, not a fucking
reindeer!” over and over again. I was in the workshop having a drink with Cornelius, the head elf when he
came back a couple of days later with 8 other reindeers he had claimed as his wives. He looked calm and
happy for the first time since we got there. He named the girls Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner and Blitzen after his 7 favorite strippers and his number 1 favorite action director, Mr.
Richard Donner.
20SS: Is Rudolph actually your favourite? Why?
SC: I don’t like to use the word favorite but Rudy is definitely my best friend in the entire world, even before
he turned into a reindeer. That first year as Santa was rough. Rudy was doing okay cause he had the girls
and he discovered that he loved flying. Should have been a fighter pilot really. Me? I was depressed, lonely
and over loaded with the scope of the job. I mean I was a C- student who had a hard time making it to 12:30
pm classes. So I turned to the nog...I was drinking anywhere between 4-6 cartons a day. I was a wreck. It
was Leaving Las Vegas bad. But Rudy was the one who brought me back. One day, he and the girls put me
in the sleigh after I had passed out in the workshop. They took me to a nice treatment center in Nevada and
that is where I met the love of my life; Mrs. Claus.
20SS: Why elves? Why not trolls or gnomes?
SC: Well, back in 87, the Elves went on strike. Bitching about long hours and dangerous working conditions.
I tried to outsource them to Vale in exchange for some tall Brazillians. Elves are perfectly suited to work in
the mine. That didn’t work out so I tried to strike up a deal with Willy Wonka. Trade t