It ’ s About a Relationship
It ’ s About a Relationship
by Elrena Evans
When I was a teenager , I was often told that following Jesus is not about a list of rules , it ’ s about a relationship . I didn ’ t particularly like hearing that , when I was young — I wanted a list of rules , so I could cross them off as I followed them and get everything right !
I ’ d love to say I ’ ve matured beyond that place , in the intervening years … but I will confess to still holding a secret love for rules , and wanting to get everything right . Nevertheless , I ’ d like to think that as I ’ ve grown , I ’ ve learned to prioritize the relationship .
When we welcome families with special needs into our church communities , I think this same guideline applies . It ’ s not about a list of rules , it ’ s about our relationships . The internet can offer us wonderful resources on the how-tos of setting up a special needs ministry ( Joni & Friends is always where I point people first ) but I think families with special needs flourish best when the relationship is the most important thing .
Starting with the relationship might mean that our special needs ministry isn ’ t something “ We provide for them ,” where “ we ” are the ones running a ministry for “ them ,” those with special needs . Starting with the relationship might mean , instead , that our special needs ministry is something “ We create together ,” where “ we ” becomes the whole church community , including those of all abilities , creating something beautiful together .
When my son , who has special needs and behavior challenges , announced he wanted to start going to Sunday School again after a multi-year hiatus , I panicked . Sunday School , despite all our attempts , had never worked for us . I quickly set up a meeting with the Sunday School coordinator , who told me she ’ d met my son recently at the church picnic .
“ I asked him not to stand in the path of the flying bean bags where we were playing
cornhole ,” she told me . “ His response was to plant himself directly in our way .”
My heart sank at this all-too-familiar sounding anecdote , but then , she said , “ I realized I was going to have to find a different way to relate to him .”
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Instead of asking my son to change , she was willing to be the one to change — prioritizing the relationship , and showing my son ( and , by extension , our entire family ) mercy . And once she had his buy-in , we were able to create a plan with him , together .
When we start with the relationship and we create something together , we also honor the gifts and talents that God has given each of us : “ Just as each of us has one body with many members , and not all members have the same function , so in Christ we who are many are one body , and each member belongs to one another ” ( Romans 12:4-5 ).
How would families with special needs like to offer their own gifts , to serve the church ? My son couldn ’ t sit still in Sunday School , but he loved handing out bulletins before the Christmas Eve service . Prioritizing the relationship allowed him to share his gifts , too .
Start with a smile . Start with hello . Start by asking , What do you need ? And then , How do you want to serve ? What can we create , together ?
And see what God can do .
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