NBM : What services does Human Options offer ? KR : So many — I wish I would have known about them when I was going through my trauma . … They have an emergency shelter , a safe haven , but then they have second- and third-step programs [ to help teach independence while assisting with job searches and providing other services ]. … And then they also have family resource centers for those who [ already ] have a place to flee to . They have legal advocates , … they have counseling and therapy in groups . … They have these Personal Empowerment Classes that can really educate people and get them stronger so that they ’ re able to leave . … They have specific therapy that ’ s for children that are coming out of this trauma [ as well ]. And then , if that ’ s not enough , they have community education … and the 24-hour hotline .
The donation-based Christmas for a Cause block party takes place in December each year .
NBM : How did you work up the courage to leave your last abusive relationship ? KR : I went back to my abuser many , many , many times . I hate to say that . … But , really , it was love that made me have the courage to finally leave . But it wasn ’ t love for myself . … I ended up getting pregnant during one of my times away from my abuser , and I honestly was contemplating going back but for the fact that I had this life inside of me that I already loved and I knew I could not subject somebody that I loved to this kind of life .
NBM : What tips do you have for others trying to leave unsafe relationships ? KR : I always say , if there ’ s smoke , there ’ s fire . If you feel off about something , you don ’ t have to pursue that relationship . You deserve to be treated with kindness , fairness and dignity . If
Renovations at Human Options ’ housing units you ’ re not getting that , I would say it ’ s time to look at leaving . But what I would recommend [ is ] for people … to make a phone call to a domestic violence agency [ like ] Human Options . … Your abuser will tell you [ that ] you have no options — that you ’ re alone in this — but that is not true . In this day and age , there are resources to help you .
NBM : Where do you turn for healing , support and assistance after you leave ? KR : Find a group of safe people . Mine was my church , my husband and my mother-in-law , who literally just took me in and loved me . … When I finally got into domestic violence-specific groups and therapy — actually through a PEP class , which is Personal Empowerment Program —… [ I was able to heal ]. … I didn ’ t feel alone . I felt affirmed .
NBM : How did you find Human Options ? KR : I knew I really wanted to serve in this area … and I went through the training and then COVID hit and everything shut down . … I ended up volunteering at a food bank and , as ladies do , we were sitting around talking as we were sorting and telling our stories . So this beautiful lady — her name is Gigi — is hearing my story , her jaw just drops and she ’ s like , “ I ’ m connected to this domestic violence agency . I ’ ve got to bring you over there .” … So she brings my husband and I to the shelter , we walk in the door and immediately this little girl runs off the playground and runs right at me . She wraps her arms around my legs and looks up at me and she ’ s like , “ Hi , what ’ s your name ?” And I was just like , this is where I want to be .
NBM : What ’ s your favorite thing about being involved with Human Options ? KR : The success stories . … And that I can use what happened to me . What was meant to really destroy me , I can now use for good so I love that .
NBM : How has your life changed since leaving your abuser ? KR : Where I once had no self-esteem , now I know that I am loved . … Where I once was alone , now I ’ m surrounded by a community . … And to watch my family , my husband — he wasn ’ t in that relationship , but honestly he ’ s been affected by it . But now he ’ s seeing the healing , so he ’ s excited about it . … He ’ s actually spending more time at Human Options than I am ; he ’ s my hero . Where I once was totally not supported by a man , now I ’ m completely supported by my husband , which is really , really cool .
NBM : What is one of the biggest lessons you ’ ve learned through this journey ? KR : I have so much power and I have the ability to get stronger and stronger and stronger , the deeper that I go into serving . … I ’ m grateful [ to be on ] this side of it because I have an experience and skill set that I wouldn ’ t be able to have had I not gone through this . I have the ability to relate to people , be empathetic toward them and really help . … You thought that you took all my power away , but actually , I took it back and I have more now . NBM
If you ’ re struggling with domestic abuse , call the Human Options 24-hour hotline at 877-854-3594 . To make a general donation or purchase tickets to the organization ’ s Fall Luncheon on Oct . 6 , visit humanoptions . org . Stop by the Christmas for a Cause block party at East Balboa Boulevard and Miramar Drive on Dec . 7 or , to donate to the shelter renovation , visit humanoptions . org / christmasforacause .
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