“Well…” She prompted. They came to sit across from me on our chocolate brown couch.
“Umm, I…”
“decided that…”
I brushed away the doubtful voice. “Idon’twanttogotocollege.” I exhaled the words as if
puncturing a helium balloon.
For a moment, they blinked at me. I shut my eyes from what I knew would come next, the very
words that felt like bullet wounds-
“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” He wouldn’t look at me, his voice gruff but lacking in its usual
intensity.
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I didn’t want to let you down.” Unexpectedly, the little girl
came out of me, tears welling in my eyes and a hard lump in my throat. Before I knew it, I began
to shake, trembling from the weight of the moment. I felt warm arms around me, the feeling of a father’s embrace I hadn’t felt for years. We rarely hugged each other in this family.
“All my life, I have done things for other people, never having room in my heart for myself. I was always the self-conscious, sensitive little girl who was afraid to be a nuisance. In reality, I was just being myself. Is there something so wrong with that? There was and will never be something wrong with me," It was as if God prepared a speech for me and stashed it in my memories.
“It’s irrational and unthinkable not to attend college,” she shook her head disapprovingly,
“especially when she has such a high chance to succeed. Let’s be honest, Allie will only regret it
if she does not, and most jobs won’t accept people with only a high school diploma. Seriously,
Thomas, what parents let their kid starve on the streets, knowing they had such potential?” she
shifted her gaze to meet my eyes. “How do you think that would make us feel? Your
grandparents worked day in and day out so the generations to come would never have to suffer
their pain, and I am not letting their efforts, nor ours, go to waste.” I flinched. Words cut deeper
in reality. But a light in me flickered. This was my life, and I wouldn’t let it go to waste. My
grandparents came here so I could take risks like this. No. I will not give in.
“Lucy, look at her.” He gestured towards me. “Is it worth it for her to go to college if she truly
doesn’t want to go? You know she is the most hardworking, obedient daughter we could have
asked for. Do you think she would say such a thing if she weren’t set on a goal? Many take years
to decide what they want to do in life; Allie seems to have already found her calling. Isn’t it time she become her own adult?”
“Thomas.” This tone was familiar, the one that hurt me constantly, like a pin needle penetrating
my skin. She stared at him sternly, with an air of a mother reprimanding her son.
“We’ve been too hard on you these past few months, haven’t we? Remember that we will always be proud of you, no matter what you do. We love you and that is why we don’t want you to fail. College is a great opportunity for you to meet new people and learn. If that doesn’t seem right for you, then we’ll figure something else out.”
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