night falls and my legs are dry
and itchy and my ankles burn and ache
mama rubs my legs with heavy lotion
in the dark we talk about me.
why can't you ever wear a sweater around the house?
you always complain that you're cold but never do anything about it
her hands tighten on my skin
massaging fiercely
nails poking through flesh
you’re still sleeping badly?
i nod in bleary weariness.
it’s your fault you can’t sleep. you haven’t taken any steps to correct it.
silence washes over us again.
she kneads my ankle harshly
until it pains far more than it ever has
so many other kids go to sports
and orchestra and band and manage it all
with over 95 in each class and 8 hours of sleep and 3 square meals a day
why can’t you do that? why
can’t you stop leaving things till the last minute
and stressing yourself out?
this time she goes on and on
my eyes, heavy as lead, slowly close
she sends subtle blades my way and i kick my legs out of her grasp
she starts to leave and i can’t hear what she’s saying, i’m
so tired
once the door closes i lay motionless and tears streak my face
mama
i’m under 5 blankets but i'm still cold
my eyes are closed but i still can’t sleep
i’ve eaten dinner but i’m still starving
starving
{Navami M.}