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There’s been something on my mind, and I am using this venue to address it. The VA VOICE doesn’t always get serious, but I would be just another person calling for change and not creating change if I didn’t use this platform for good. So, I’m trying to start a conversation with this narrative and I hope you will all keep an open mind. There have been very few honest conversations about the gay community at VA, and I feel like before I graduate in May, I need to start that conversation.
No gay person should have to feel uncomfortable about discussing their boyfriends or girlfriends for fear of offending someone who doesn’t believe in gay rights. Most straight people are heterosexually privileged; they live in a world that deems their relationships the norm—so buying cards at CVS that represent their love, embracing their loved one in public, or wearing whatever they choose without concern or criticism is something they might take for granted. As a gay male, I worry about my outfit choices and the way I style my hair because I have to keep in mind that the way straight people feel and view me sometimes feels more important than my feelings and my life. I find myself having to be aware of straight people's feelings and making sure that I don't make people uncomfortable, but generally straight people can talk about whatever they want in front of me because it's "normal.”
Even at a place as inclusive as VA, I have been talking about my exes or wanting a boyfriend and I have been asked to not talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable. I’ve heard the words “ that’s gay” or “faggot” used both off-handedly and maliciously. Sometimes I’m concerned that if I address these issues head on, other students will view me as “annoying” and “in your face.”
In general, there is a lack of understanding about how seriously damaging it is to a gay person to be called a faggot or any other derogatory word for gay person. Thousands of teens commit suicide in the US because they are bullied about their sexuality. People need to be aware so they can change their behaviors. Often people don't know that some little thing they say could really make a huge impact. Often words like “faggot” or “gay” are dismissed as not being a serious issue. Some feel that those who use them are just being “regular teenagers.” The use of homophobic, derogatory slurs should not be considered “normal” behavior. Saying "that's gay" doesn't seem like a big deal to some, but as a gay person, it is. It sends a message that being gay is bad. So, why do I want to address this now? Because if people aren't aware of a problem then there can’t be any change. I’m asking the VA community to consider your use of words, your own biases and prejudices and to work hard to make this school as inclusive as possible. Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
Will Tomasi
Graphic Courtesy of the NoH8 campaign for LGBT rights.